


Tsukiyama Shuu Wastes His Time and Overall Makes Poor Decisions

by TheHangedMan



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen, enjoy, literally this was the biggest waste of time, what the hell did i write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 01:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2794256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHangedMan/pseuds/TheHangedMan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm sorry I just wanted to write something for this god awful ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tsukiyama Shuu Wastes His Time and Overall Makes Poor Decisions

Tsukiyama had always considered himself a man of peculiar tastes. He wondered if that could have been because of the way he had been brought up or if it was from a more natural urge that had taken root in him before he had even so much as a consciousness. He had certainly been raised to adore fine things, but strange fine things certainly had to be of his own doing. He wanted to be surrounded by fine clothes, fine belongings, fine company and most of all he desperately wanted to taste the finest of foods this world had to offer in the most delicious settings which was likely how he got himself into this mess.

It had begun with the simple thought that sorrow would be a fantastic seasoning on his long awaited meal of Kaneki Ken. The seasoning being Hideyoshi. His plan had been to seduce the boy in a way that he'd never been able to do to Kaneki and then when the time finally came for him to devour the half ghoul, It would be in a puddle of his childhood friend's blood and entrails completely and utterly broken. The thought of Kaneki crying and helpless covered in blood always sent a delighted shiver up Tsukiyama's spine and always ended with him playing out his hopeless fantasies in his mind.

  
His plan had been a four step plan:

Step 1) Seduce Hideyoshi Nagachika

Step 2) Ask him out/reach dating status

Step 3) Gain the boy's full and complete trust while making Kaneki jealous at the same time

Step 4) Bon appetite

He had always recognized that there might be a few flaws in his plan, but he was absolutely certain that he, Tsukiyama Shuu, would be able to work through any issue that presented himself. With this in mind he began his ingenious plan.

Step 1)

His plan had begun with well executed flirting with the boy while carefully avoiding Kaneki's watchful eye. He shot him sultry glances in the coffee shop while paying for his drinks. It felt almost like he was being ignored however. It was obvious that Hideyoshi had eyes only for Kaneki just like himself which would make this rather difficult. It wasn't till he finally passed his phone number along that there was a break through. He received a text that night from the boy. Almost aggressively, but with a hint of finesse and suave maneuvering, he managed to procure himself a coffee date alone with the boy.

Step 2)

It escalated to outings and movies until he preformed his well rehearsed confession of devotion to him during the ending of a particularly romantic movie. It had been fantastique if he did say so himself. Despite this he had been surprised when Hide had nonchalantly agreed through a mouthful of popcorn as the credits rolled. His reaction had been so casual and lackluster that despite the falseness of Tsukiyama's feelings he almost felt a painful wave of rejection. Heart Break!

Step 3)

After that the movie dates continued and were followed by coffee outings, long romantic walks down the beach, and high end restaurant sampling (he had to be very careful when they did that). No matter what Tsukiyama tried however he was always met with the same casual reaction and general lack of excitment. It was infuriating to see his professionally planed dates fall flat when Hideyoshi always responded with, "Yeah I had fun thanks bro." They were dating and yet he always would refer to him in such a manner that made him want to claw the very skin off of his bones. He was a gentleman! Not some dudebro of equal standing to the common rabble.

There were many other traits about Hideyoshi that made Tsukiyama's skin crawl. The way he dressed was one particularly infuriating point of interest. His clothes were bright and uncoordinated with a very large lack of finesse. His bright yellow track jacket in particular was something Tsukiyama really wouldn't mind pulling out of Hideyoshi's closet and gently setting on fire. Was it not common knowledge that one should not wear exercise clothes unless one was exercising?!?! Oh how far a simple mandatory fashion class would go in today's education system, but that was besides the point. It might have been lost on young Hideyoshi anyway, because this boy most certainly had to be color blind. The more Tsukiyama thought about it and critiqued his clothing choices the more he had to agree with himself. All of the bright colors were such an eye sore. Unless this boy wanted to become the sun itself, which he might have for all Tsukiyama knew, those clothes had no right to all be worn together on one person's body at the same time.  
Another particularly infuriating point of interest was the way that he couldn't stop talking. It was like breathing to him. The nonsensical, meaningless drivel that escaped his mouth was unending and agonizing in nature. Every time he started off on a tangent Tsukiyama would give himself a mental pat on the back for championing through it. His final diagnosis for the sunshiney boy was blind and shallow with and IQ exponentially lower than where it should have been.

In order to carry out this portion of the plan he would have to wave his new found relationship in front of Kaneki. Of course he had already mapped out a complete route of Kaneki's daily routine, but he had done that months ago before he'd even set this plan into action. He planned dates around Kaneki's work schedule always making sure that they were in the right place at the right time to run into him. It was mandatory that he and Hideyoshi PDA as much as possible in public when ever Kaneki was there.

Tsukiyama was a man of honor and dignity, but most of all he was a man of down right persistence and loyalty to his cause. He would stoop low to get things done and he was no ashamed of that. He would kiss Hideyoshi through his mouthfuls of Cheetos and hold his hand no matter how sweaty it was. He would deal with those awful dye lines in his unstyled, uncombed, and generally untidy hair. He would nod in agreement when Hideyoshi said his hair looked good right out of the shower. All of this he would do for the sake of making Kaneki jealous. If it was working or not he had no idea.  
Kaneki seemed rather neutral about the whole affair for the most part. He regarded their public make outs with little interest and their constant dates indifferently. It was infuriating to watch him turn a blind eye, Tsukiyama had hoped that he would at least worry for his friend a bit. After all he was dating a ghoul, but no, not the slightest acknowledgement.

It was Tsukiyama's dream to have Hideyoshi clinging all over him as he escorted him into the same church that he had first tried to eat Kaneki in. He wanted to see Kaneki beg with him and then see Hideyoshi defend him pointlessly only to be stabbed in the back by Tsukiyama himself. With Kaneki then hopefully reduced to a non-threat by the sudden murder of his best friend Tsukiyama would devour them both and revel in the fantastique meal for years to come. Turning friend on friend was his dream, but it seemed that would not work out with the way things were going. Hideyoshi showed little sign of being that devoted and Kaneki showed no sign of caring. He'd have to simply make do with the old fashioned kidnapping method. He refused to allow himself to acknowledge that he could have tried this from the start. He would not think about all of the disgusting intimacies he could have skipped out on if he had.

Step 4)

Hideyoshi was in a bag, check. Kaneki had been dialed, check. Tsukiyama was at the church, check. All he had to do now was wait. Making sure that Hideyoshi had showered had been Tsukiyama's highest priority before the kidnapping had occurred, he had almost thought to ask Kaneki on the phone, but decided against it as he decided it would be better if he in fact did not. It was exciting thinking about.  
The door to the church flew open and before Tsukiyama knew what to do with himself Kaneki was already storming in. He tried to greet him but Kaneki hardly even acknowledged him. Instead he grabbed the bag containing Hide and walked the hell back out of the church.

Why this.

And so ends literally the biggest waste of time of Tsukiyama Shuu's life.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I hate myself for writing this.


End file.
